stuck

if you stand in the middle of anything for too long, it becomes a vortex.

the middle of a crowd, or a lake. or the middle of your own room. the middle of a friend's face, or a fire escape. the middle of the street, the cars pick up circular speed. the middle of the space between you and the distant watchtower.

or yourself. i keep trying to shift away from the center of my own private boxes. i am trying to step outside myself and i keep winding up back in the same position. try to leave the area, and the air rides with me in the backseat. try to throw salt in the water, and it keeps sliding off into freshwater. it's never enough. never further enough outside my self to matter for anything. like in those movies you think, if you could just get out of the town, you'd be safe. the people you love would be safe.

but there's a blob of the monster on your tires. or the stalker is in your trunk. and the stalker is you. you take with you when you go.

i am standing still in one place where i've always been standing and i am wondering if everyone else is this dizzy.